Last Day of PALS

It's so sad that today was the last day of PALS until September. Jocelyn is really, really, really going to miss going and seeing all of her friends.

Today was a carnival theme. There was shaved ice, face painting, and a clown making balloon animals.Until next year, PALS!

Drama Queen!

Carnival!

On Monday evening we met some of Jocelyn's friends at a carnival at a local church. Jocelyn gets so excited about the rides, and then shows no emotion once she's on them.

Mommy wasn't riding this one, so Jocelyn went on with her friend Brady and his mommy, Courtney.
Then she rode the Merry-Go-Round all by herself!

Then she and Brady rode on the helicopters.

After the rides, we played some games. Jocelyn won a bunch of junk, mostly from the game where all she has to do is pull a duck out of the water. She did, however win another game where you have to put your quarters on a picture of an animal, the worker spins a wheel and whoever has their quarters on the correct animal when the wheel stops spinning wins. She chose a stuffed duck when she won that game. Mommy was more excited than Jocelyn.

Then we ate some freshly made donuts. I guess they are all the rage at this carnival because we waited in line for a long time to get one. Mommy was set on a cinnamon one, and after waiting all that time, they told her they were out of cinnamon. Boo! I got what I wanted, though!
Brady had the same!
Mommy still wants a cinnamon donut, so we may just have to go back to this carnival later this week!

How to Eat a Tostada

Puerto Rico

Almost two years ago I made this post on my blog. Our friends John and Vanessa finally got engaged. She said it would never happen. John knew it would. It happened, and this past Saturday, they actually tied the knot!

The wedding was in San Juan, Puerto Rico. When I tell people that I went to Puerto Rico for a wedding they automatically think that it was a destination wedding. I guess in some sorts it was, but mostly it was not. Vanessa was born and raised in Puerto Rico. That's where her family is, and that's where they wanted to get married.
So for the last two years we have had the date of their wedding, May 15th, jotted down on the calendar. We were trying--not so successfully--to save enough money to go. There was never a question that Todd would go. He was in the wedding and even if he was not, at least one of us had to be there to witness the event Vanessa so adamantly denied would ever happen! Saving money is not the easiest task with a new baby. We failed badly. We thought Todd would be going solo to the wedding, almost until the last minute. Things changed a lot from the time of the engagement to the time when we needed to RSVP to the wedding. Todd got a new job. Jocelyn got older. I got pregnant again. Todd got a bonus! That bonus was just what we needed! I booked a flight, bought a dress, and was happy I was going to be able to go to the wedding!

Then I worried. I worried a lot about actually going. I worried about leaving Jocelyn. I worried about going into labor at 32 weeks in a place so far away from home, and then being stuck in Puerto Rico for weeks while baby grew stronger in the NICU. But everything worked out. We flew to Puerto Rico from Charlotte and left Jocelyn with my parents. She had fun. She wasn't upset in the least. Todd and I had a great time, and now we are all home safe and sound. It was the first time I spent a significant period of time away from Jocelyn. After seeing Jocelyn everyday for 857 days, I spent one day--one period of 56 hours straight--without Jocelyn. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It wasn't bad at all. I missed her, and was happy to see her when we got home, but I was fine for those two days in Puerto Rico and so was she.

So, like I said, the wedding was on May 15th. It was a beautiful wedding, and when I say beautiful I mean HOT. Well, beautiful too--for sure--but it was definitely hot as well. The wedding took place in Santa Iglesia Cathedral. So beautiful. So hot. I thought everywhere would have air conditioning in Puerto Rico. I was wrong. The part I like most about the wedding was when John said his vows in Spanish and Vanessa said hers in English. I didn't think I would cry, but at that moment I did.

Vanessa looked gorgeous.

I guess John looked good too.

My Toddie looked very handsome.

And a couple of us looked pregnant. Oh wait, we were.
The reception was held in the same hotel where we were staying, right across the street from the cathedral. Hotel El Convento. Check here for the history. Amazing! It was definitely a beautiful hotel. Oh, and the rooms had air conditioning. Thank goodness!

The party was amazing! Puerto Ricans know how to party and don't take a break from dancing. John and Vanessa had a live band, who were awesome. They sang, they danced, they entertained. I danced as much as I could, but If I weren't pregnant I would have danced a lot more. A couple of Mojitos would have helped too! By the end of the night I was swelling out of my dress, my hair looked even more horrendous than when the wedding started (thanks humidity for that one), and I was sweating so much that I couldn't down enough water to keep up with it. I called it a night, but was happy that I made it nearly to midnight. The fact that I slept in that morning until 9am must have helped!
Overall, I think the wedding and trip were great. Everything seemed to go smoothly. Everyone looked great. Vanessa went through with it and actually married John. Everything was beautiful and great memories were made! Oh yeah, and it is on to the next step for these two. I saw Vanessa adamantly shaking her head 'yes' when the priest asked if they will accept children from God lovingly. I'm sure someone got it on tape as well. There's no denying it. ;)

Thanks John and Vanessa for the great memories, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother's Day

I asked Todd to get some pictures of me and Jocelyn together for Mother's Day! I'm always the one taking the pictures and I barely have any of us together! Here's a bunch!

One with Daddy too!

I had a wonderful Mother's Day! I ate too much, was spoiled with homemade Jocelyn crafts, and didn't have to change one diaper!! Thank you to Todd for all of that! I wish every day could be mother's day!!

It's weird...

...being pregnant.

Baby has been super active today. She has literally been bouncing off the walls all day long. On a normal day I feel her moving around mostly in the morning before I get out of bed (or the 3-4 times I wake up before it's actually time to get up), and in the evening after Jocelyn has gone to bed. Today, she has been trying to make herself comfortable constantly. Since I have been feeling her more, I have been thinking about her more and thinking more about the fact that I have this baby inside of me. I've been through it before and have a beautiful, funny, amazing little girl to show for it, but it's still weird to be pregnant.

You see pictures of the baby inside the womb. You certainly feel baby inside you (and now you can even see baby moving around in there from the outside as well). Your stomach certainly protrudes to make space for baby. It's obvious you're pregnant to everyone, but it's still like it's not real. I have to sit down and really think about the fact that there is this living being growing inside of me. She will come out and be a little person, with her own little personality and features. Weird. A person growing inside me. Moving around, kicking, punching, making me feel like she's about ready to burst out through my belly button at any moment, which, on a side note, is exactly how Jocelyn thinks she's going to come out anyway--when we talk about the baby she pulls my shirt up and tries to pry my belly button open to get baby out. Anyway, I just think it's weird to be pregnant. Amazing, but weird!

When I think about my pregnancy with Jocelyn it's almost like the pregnancy and the result (Jocelyn) were separate experiences. Obviously they are directly related to one another, but it seems weird to me that it was Jocelyn in there that whole time. She went from being the size of a grain of rice to the 6lb 14oz baby she came out as, to the 30lb Toddler she has become. I felt her in there the same way I feel this baby, but now I know Jocelyn--really know her. It's weird that she was the one in there the whole time!

Now I find myself thinking more about what the baby will be like--more than I thought about what Jocelyn would be like when I was pregnant with her. I wonder if she will look like Jocelyn or if she will be completely different. I wonder what her personality will be like. Will she be as laid back as Jocelyn or will she be the complete opposite? So many people have told me to brace myself--Jocelyn is such an angel and this next one will turn me for a loop. It is possible to have two great kids, right??

My predication is that this little girl won't look anything like Jocelyn. They will be those sisters that no one really believes are related--those sisters who tell the other they are obviously adopted. Maybe baby #2 will be all Mommy whereas Jocelyn is all Daddy! When it comes to personality, though, I always imagine her to be just like Jocelyn. Not exactly the same, but close enough. It's probably wishful thinking since I'm hoping she will be as easy as Jocelyn, and not the problem child everyone keeps telling me I will have. We shall see. I have hope that it is possible to have two easy children, and if not, I know I will love her just the same!

In the mean time, I will continue to watch my belly grow. I will continue to feel pushes and tugs, rolls and kicks, and be amazed at what my body can do. I'm growing a baby!

66 days to go, give or take a few days.

May

May 2009

May 2010

Field Trip!

On Wednesday, Jocelyn's PALS group took a field trip to Chuck E Cheese. This was her fourth visit, and she definitely loves the place. What made this trip even more fun was that she knew all the kids there!

What could be better than friends AND pizza??

She wasn't a fan of ChuckE, though.

After using up the 32 tokens she had, and earning 160 tickets, she picked out a pair of star glasses (because her friend Ansley got them too), a photo key chain (who knows why), and her favorite--a tootsie roll pop (because they are delicious of course)!

What a fun morning!!

Little Poser

I can't seem to get a "normal" picture of Jocelyn anymore. She likes to pose in front of the camera or make a big cheesy face! She's still the cutest poser I know!

Change

I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned it, but I don't like change. Not at all.

Having another baby is going to be a huge, gigantic change. It's going to change almost everything I know. I found the decision to have another baby MUCH harder than the decision to have Jocelyn. She was an easy decision. I knew I wanted to have kid(s). We were ready to start trying. We got pregnant, were excited, Jocelyn arrived, and after a very, very brief period of wondering if we made the right choice (I blame it on those raging hormones after childbirth), and lots of adjustments and changes, I was truly happy being a mom and enjoyed my new, very different life. The biggest change, besides the addition of baby, was resigning from my job. That was a surprise decision made rather close to the time I was supposed to return to work. Quitting a job that you have worked at for nearly 10 years was a big and scary change, and I fretted over that decision as well. It turned out to be the right decision and I haven't regret making it. When I think about having baby #2, I think about the newborn days. They are hard. The constant nursing, the sleepless nights. Feeling like you can't go anywhere or do anything because you want to try to get baby on a schedule--a schedule that will change a million times before you finally get it down. It feels like it will be forever before things seem to finally settle down, when the time comes that you know when to expect what, and when baby is not so new anymore. But while you are in the middle of those first few weeks (or even months), it really feels like forever. Forever until you are normal again. These are the things that make me nervous about change. I know what to expect. I think I know how I'm going to feel.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, even though making the decision to have another child was so hard, I didn't think it would be as big of a change as having Jocelyn. We already know what it's like to have a kid. We've been there and done that. I am not going to be quitting a job. I'm just going to be adding another baby. Now that the time for baby is nearing I seem to be stuck on all that will be different and I get anxious about the changes. I love the routine Jocelyn and I have. It's so easy. She takes one nap a day. So much easier than the 6 or so a newborn takes, making it impossible to go anywhere and do anything. She eats three meals a day. She has a couple snacks, everything is basically the same everyday. We have fun. We go on play dates and to play groups. There's no way it can stay exactly the same, as much as I want it to. I am also sad thinking about how our family is going to be different. I love our family the way it is. No longer will it be Todd, Brooke and Jocelyn. It will change.

Feeling so upset about the change makes me feel horrible, like I'm not excited enough for this baby to come. It's not at all that I think we made the wrong decision. I already love her, I know our family will be different, but it will be a good different. I just fear the change. I have anxiety about how it will affect Jocelyn. I have anxiety about being able to handle two children and not becoming an irritated, stressed out b****. I want my life to stay easy and predictable. I hope I can handle the amount of love that I'm going to have. I hope I can handle the fears that go along with loving somebody else so much. I will have two little people to worry about rather than just one! I hope, most of all, that how I am feeling is normal.

The good thing about having already experienced things with Jocelyn, is that I do know that the "hard" stuff will end and I know it will seemingly happen in the blink of an eye. I can't believe that Jocelyn is already two-years-old. It seems like she was just born yesterday! I know the wonderful things about loving a baby. I know the excitement of watching them grow and develop. I need to keep focusing on these things! Everything will work itself out, new routines will form, the new family will start to feel normal, hopefully Jocelyn will relish in being a big sister, and I will still be able to be as good of a mom as possible--even with two children!

The Third Trimester

One Trimester, Two Trimester, Three Trimester, Baby!

Today marks the beginning of my 28th week of pregnancy. I have officially begun the third and final trimester. The home stretch. Unlike the first trimester, I didn't spend each week of second trimester counting down how many more weeks until I made it to the next trimester. In fact, I probably wouldn't remember what week I was in if I didn't have the pregnancy ticker at the top of this blog, or have the current week written on my calendar!

There are a lot of reasons I wanted the first trimester to be over, and many less reasons for wanting the second to be over. First of all, after the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced. Secondly, I couldn't wait for the fatigue and nausea to wear off. Also, the pregnancy becomes more obvious with a growing belly...almost like a secret you can no longer hide and with the belly growing is a baby growing--one that you start to feel moving around! There's a reason the second trimester is called "the honeymoon period of pregnancy". You feel great, you look great, and the worry about the upcoming birth isn't in the forefront of your mind.

The third trimester is exciting for one reason: Baby only has about 12 more weeks until she makes an appearance. I am going to have another beautiful little girl that I am going to love more than words can describe. I will get to hold her and smell her and proudly watch her develop from newborn to infant to toddler. I will get to nurse her and bond with her and experience all of the newborn stuff all over again. I will get to watch Jocelyn become a big sister. I will get to witness sibling love as I never had the opportunity to experience myself. I will be the mother to two children!

The down side of the third trimester is eerily similar to the reasons you want the first trimester to end, at least when it comes to the fatigue. The bigger I get, the more tired I seem to become. I have already noticed that my feet are swollen at the end of the day. Chasing Jocelyn is a little more fun for her because I can't get to her quite as quickly. The belly gets ridiculously huge and you begin to start to worry that there is no way it will look as it did before! You're hot. You're uncomfortable. Those tiny movements from baby become bigger movements that sometimes hurt when the wrong place is kicked or shoved, or when your ribs are used as a foot stool! I start worrying once again. I worry the baby will come too early. I worry she's not moving enough--or moving too much, and this time I am worrying that having a sibling will be too traumatic for Jocelyn and she will not like what her world has become.

For me, I am really enjoying the time I have left with Jocelyn as my only child. Things are going to change quite dramatically, and I'm enjoying the routine and easiness of what we have going on already. I don't want to rush this time away. I want to enjoy it and treasure it. I'm trying to deeply etch how it feels to be pregnant into my brain--feeling baby kicks, elbows, rolls, hiccups, as this will most likely be the last time I experience pregnancy. I will have lots of time with baby once she is born. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the time I have with baby on the inside. She doesn't have to be fed every two hours in there, nor have a diaper changed, nor need numerous naps that keep me from the normal daily routine, oh and the biggest thing of all--she can stay up all night if she wants to, but that doesn't mean I have to be awake as well! Yikes! The sleep deprivation is what I am most scared of--even more so now that I already have a child who will keep me from napping throughout the day. I just keep reminding myself that the benefits FAR outweigh the downside of having a newborn!

All-in-all I am ready for what's to come. I think! A new chapter for all of us!

Now you can watch the belly grow!

5 weeks
14 weeks28 weeks