Binky Free?

Jocelyn has been using a binky since birth. For the better part of the last 20 months, she has only been allowed the binky in her bed, and she has been okay with that, but she really loves her binky while falling asleep.

Right before Reagan was born, Jocelyn's binky became cracked and was no longer safe for her to use. Todd and I had decided that that binky was her last one, and once it was gone, that was it. No more binkies for Jocelyn. Well, since it was so close to a life-changing event for her we decided to buy just one more.

She had ONE binky in the house. Yesterday morning she woke up and binky was missing. We looked for it, but were not successful. Nap time came, we looked again, but were once again not successful. Jocelyn took her nap without the binky! Bed time came and we still couldn't find the binky. She went to sleep and slept all night, just like normal, without the binky.

Seriously? It was that easy? I have worried about taking that binky away for months and months. I have had nightmares about Jocelyn not going to sleep and waking at terribly early hours. I searched the internet for the various techniques for becoming binky free, trying to decide which one would work best for Jocelyn, and she somehow loses it during the night and is about 95% okay with the fact that she won't ever see or use it ever again? Really? I guess I should have taken that thing away from her a long time ago!

Now, I'm going to have to find that little sucker before Jocelyn does...I really would like for it to stay lost!!!!June 16, 2008
No more binky face for Jocelyn!

Life with Two

So here we are, nearly 4 weeks into our new life with Reagan! I have to admit that I am loving every second of it so far, and that includes being awakened at 4:00am for a feeding and having my hand pooped on too many times to count. I don't know what it is, but I am just unbelievably happy. Did I say that I don't know what it is? Okay, maybe I do. I have been so blessed with these two little girls and I just feel so lucky to have 2 happy and healthy children.

Adding Reagan to the family has been so amazing. She's a wonderful addition! I was so worried about the trauma adding a newborn would cause, but it has been relatively easy. Jocelyn has been adjusting nicely, and to tell you the truth, I already believe that she doesn't remember a time without Reagan around. She went through a short phase of super-charged "terrible twos", but has now calmed herself back down a little bit. She loves to help me take care of Reagan. She wants to hold her and burp her and help change her diaper. She kisses her all the time and has even proclaimed that she "love baby". I just can't wait until they can play together and giggle together!

For me, labor and delivery was rather easy, recovery went quickly, and Reagan is (so far) a really easy baby. She is eating every 3-4 hours, nursing well (no more pain there for Mama either) and has given me nice stretches of sleep at night. The past few nights she has slept 6-hour stretches! The sleep makes all the difference for me! She is a happy baby, usually only crying when she needs fed or is tired. I am counting my blessings for sure, and hope that she stays as easy as she has been so far!

I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but for me, bringing Reagan home has been so much easier than when we brought Jocelyn home. Having your first baby is such a life-changing event. You can't even imagine how it changes your life until it happens to you. It's almost not even worth trying to imagine until you actually bring that baby home from the hospital and are experiencing it directly. I was a mess in those first couple of weeks after Jocelyn came home. The hormones were crazy and the change was very hard for me. I can't remember when it all started getting better--I'm guessing it may have been around the same time that Jocelyn started sleeping better at night--but it did get better, I adjusted to my new life and really started to enjoy being a mom. Flash forward 2.5 years and I am doing it all over again. Although this time it is much easier. I think it's because I have more confidence in myself as a mom since I have done it once before and have a 2-year-old child to show for it. The hormones didn't rage, the change wasn't as big, the nursing was MUCH easier. Reagan started out a pound heavier than Jocelyn and I think that may have led to better sleeping right off the bat. Anyway, it has just been a lot easier and I am just so happy with our little family. I look forward to experiencing all the things we experienced with Jocelyn all over again--the first smile, the first babble, first holidays, first steps. Plus I look forward to experiencing new things, like watching the love of siblings, watching my girls learn and laugh and play together. I can't wait for it all to start, but at the same time I am enjoying Reagan as a newborn because I know she will be 2.5 in the blink of an eye.

We are happily a family of four! We couldn't be luckier!

Some pictures!

Twins?

Jocelyn Paige
Reagan Olivia

I didn't think they looked alike at first, but it seems that they look pretty similar to each other now. What do you think?

Let's Compare

Jocelyn
Reagan

Jocelyn
Reagan

Our Newest Addition!

Reagan Olivia Aston-Reese

July 11, 2010
11:12am
7 pounds 14 ounces
20 inches

On July 11, 2010 we were blessed once again with a beautiful daughter. Three days after her due date, Reagan Olivia finally made her appearance!

I guess it all began with me telling my parents that I was nervous about going into labor after a long day of doing things. I thought I would never be able to make it through if I had just spent an entire day awake doing things and didn't get any sleep before things started. I should have never mentioned it...does speaking your fears out loud make them come true?

I woke up Saturday morning and being 2 days past my due date, I decided that I wasn't just going to sit around and wait for baby to be born. I was going to keep busy. I cleaned the bathroom, did the laundry, vacuumed the house, dusted the blinds, and then had an impromptu cook-out with Todd's family at our house. My dad and Todd put up a railing in the front of our house. My mom was looking out for Jocelyn. It was a long day and I was tired at the end, and ready for bed. I went to bed a bit late that night, around 11:30. Todd and I were laying in bed talking for a little while when he fell asleep. It takes me a bit longer to fall asleep with a giant belly, so I was trying to get comfortable when all of the sudden I got a contraction. It wasn't unusual for me to have a contraction, so I let it pass and tried again to get comfortable when I had another contraction. After a few more I started timing them. For about an hour they were 4-5 minutes apart. I woke Todd up and told him I was going to take a shower just in case. He wasn't really coherent and thought I was crazy. I took a shower and the contractions continued. I went back to the bedroom where I turned on the light, which didn't bother Todd in the least--he continued snoring--sat on the side of the bed with a note pad, pen and my "What to Expect When You Are Expecting Book" open to the page with the symptoms of false labor. Every time a contraction started I would write down the time. For the next hour the contractions were consistently 3 minutes apart. I woke Todd up, kind of. It's hard to wake him when he hasn't been sleeping for more than a couple of hours. I believe I told him I was having contractions and his response was, "I'm just trying to close my eyes!" Eventually he became a bit more coherent, but he still didn't believe that I was in labor. I asked him to time my contractions, which he did and they were then 2 minutes apart. He believed me after that. We called the doctor and headed to St. Clair Hospital. Thank goodness my parents were here, so we could leave Jocelyn soundly sleeping in her bed!

We arrived at the hospital around 3:15am on Sunday, July 11th. We remembered being told to park in the Emergency lot when we were pregnant with Jocelyn, but we figured that I was fine enough to park in the regular lot and enter the hospital through a main entrance. Being the middle of the night, the main entrance ended up being locked and we were stuck in the parking lot because a token had to be purchased to leave. The only place to buy a token was inside the hospital. We had to walk completely around the outside of the hospital to the Emergency room. When we got to the door, there were two valet drivers sitting there saying we should have just pulled up and they would have parked for us! HA! Oh well, the walking probably did the baby good...

We finally made it to Labor and Delivery. The nurses seemed excited to see us. It was a slow night. They didn't have any other patients in labor. We got set up in a room and they began the admission process. I kept asking if they were going to keep me and they seemed to think I was silly. Once we knew for sure we were staying, we made a couple phone calls and let things begin. I was hooked up to the monitors, you could see that I was contracting regularly. I was about 6-7cm dilated and the nurses couldn't believe I was as pleasant as I was. The contractions hurt, but they weren't anything overly horrible. I must have a high tolerance of pain or something. The nurses asked me if I was open to receiving an epidural and I said yes. They called right away, and about an hour later the anesthesiologist was there, but I probably could have lasted a bit longer without it. I was worried, though, that it would become too late, and I would rather not feel the pain of actually pushing the baby out, so I got it. The doctor came in and told us to rest for a couple of hours and that she would be back at 7am. I tried to go to sleep. Todd had no problem. I was about to have a baby--I couldn't sleep, so that meant I hadn't slept in about 21 hours. I did dose off a couple of times, and during one of those doses, my water broke. I had no idea until I saw the sheets getting wet. My epidural worked very well! After a little while, my epidural wore off enough that I could feel a little of what was going on, but not enough that anything was painful. The doctor broke a second bag of waters and soon after I was feeling the pressure to push. I told the nurses, who felt that the baby was right there and ready. There was a flurry of activity preparing for delivery. I pushed for 5-10 minutes and Reagan arrived!!!

I feel so lucky to have had two really easy deliveries with my girls. It almost makes me think I could do it once more. Almost...

So Reagan was here! At 11:12am they put her down on my chest and I instantly fell in love with her. There she was. The little baby that was pushing around inside of me for the past couple of months. I was so happy to finally meet her. They took her away to clean her up and make sure she was ok. She scored 9s on both of her APGARs and was a healthy 7lbs 14 ounces, 20 inches long. A full pound heavier than Jocelyn, but the exact same length. She is beautiful, just like her sister and we are so excited to add her to our family!

Happy 4th of July!!

We had a great 4th of July weekend! Todd has a 4-day weekend, so we are still celebrating today! We enjoyed a parade and spending some time with both friends and family, and Jocelyn really enjoyed watching the fireworks this year. She stayed awake, unlike last year when she fell asleep about 2 fireworks in. Jocelyn came down with a little head cold on Saturday, but got a lot of good sleep in and was feeling a bit better yesterday. The only thing that would have made this weekend better was some cooler temperatures! The heat and humidity are almost unbearable!

A "Perfect" Child

When you're pregnant you worry about your unborn child. You want everything to be perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect Apgar score, perfect health. As your child grows you still hope for the same thing. You watch for milestones. You worry that you will discover that something is wrong with your child. You worry about giving vaccines because you fear they may cause some sort of damage to your child. You worry if you are reading enough to them, talking enough to them, feeding them enough of what they need. There is so much worry.

Everyone wants their child to be "perfect".

When Jocelyn was a very little baby I started to worry that something may be wrong with her when she wasn't babbling when all the textbooks said she should be starting. Knowing that I'm an over-worrier sometimes, I just told myself that she was just developing slower in that area while she worked on other areas of development and that I was just worrying a little too much. I tried not to worry as much. Eventually she started babbling and I kind of let go of the worry. The worry began again when she wasn't saying her first words around the time she should have been doing so. I talked with her doctors and always heard the same thing--that children develop at their own speed and Jocelyn would catch up. I shouldn't worry until she is older. At her 18 month check-up I was the most worried I had ever been. My gut just told me something was wrong and I really had a discussion with her doctor about it. I was told once again that I shouldn't worry just yet. Give her until she is 2, but I just didn't feel right about it. My Mother's intuition wouldn't let go of the worry. I called the Alliance for Infants and Toddlers and set up an evaluation when Jocelyn was about 20 months old. The evaluation determined that Jocelyn was normal in all areas of development except for expressive language and she was diagnosed with an expressive language delay. I felt validated although I didn't want something to be "wrong" with my child. Jocelyn began receiving speech therapy in our home every other week for one hour. She made progress, but I saw the progress as a natural progress rather than any progress that was resulting from the speech therapy. I just started feeling like she wasn't getting all that she needed and I once again started to worry.

At Jocelyn's 2-year check up I spoke to the doctor again about my worries. Once again, I was told to hold off for a little while longer. She told me that if more people couldn't understand her speech by the time she was 2.5 , I should bring her back. I knew I would be bringing her back. Jocelyn has an amazing vocabulary. She can say lots of words. She understands everything anyone says to her. She talks all the time. The problem is that she leaves sounds out of words. Most of her words consist of only the last syllable sound. I can understand her 80% of the time, but I'm her mom and I'm with her all day everyday. People who are not with her a lot cannot understand her. They can probably understand her about 25% of the time. It breaks my heart. Jocelyn is very outgoing, enjoys being around a lot of people, including children. As the other children develop, she is kind of stuck behind. Children much younger than her can speak much better than her. They can't understand her when she tries to talk to them, and that causes some children to avoid her--especially those that are older than her. For now it's kind of OK. People still look at her as a baby, but as she gets older I'm afraid that she will be avoided more and it will effect her self esteem. I don't want her to change. I don't want her to become an introvert because she realizes she cannot speak to others.

The wait from 2 years to 2.5 so that her doctor would finally write a prescription for more evaluations was long. Finally, I took her back to the doctor, got the prescriptions, and she had her evaluation at Children's hospital yesterday. I was blindsided by the results. She was diagnosed with Speech Apraxia. I knew something was wrong, but I was stuck thinking that it was just a delay. I had researched apraxia in my early stages of worry back when Jocelyn was 20 months old, but her speech therapist told me that I didn't need to worry about that--she didn't show the signs. I forgot about it. When I heard the clinician say the word 'apraxia' yesterday I slowly freaked out inside my own head. I took this definition from http://www.apraxiaresearch.com/understanding-apraxia :

Apraxia is a neurogenic impairment involving planning, executing, and sequencing motor movements. The National Institute of Health defines apraxia as a disorder of the nervous system.

Apraxia is perhaps the most misunderstood of all the speech disorders. Verbal apraxia is a neurological motor speech impairment that involves a breakdown in the transmission of messages from the brain to the muscles in the jaw, cheeks, lips, tongue and palate that facilitate speech. There is no obvious weakness in these muscles and a child may well be able to move them quite happily when not trying to speak. Apraxic children, who are usually seen as "just late talkers" when young, are able to comprehend language at an age appropriate level, however have difficulty expressing themselves using speech. With apraxia, a child knows what he or she wants to say but there is a road block obstructing the signal from the brain to the mouth. For any child with a speech disorder, but especially with apraxia, the earlier therapy is begun, the better the results for your child and his or her social-emotional development.

Apraxia has a range from mild to severe. Jocelyn's case is mild, which is good. The clinician told me that it can be corrected with therapy and she will be able to communicate proficiently in the future. She will need intensive therapy. This means I will have to take her for speech 2 times a week, and from what I have read online, the therapy will be for at least 2 years. She will receive a special type of treatment that is used for Apraxia. In reading about Apraxia, it really seems that Jocelyn fits the profile. There are descriptions in the definition and explainations of apraxia that I have explained to doctors as Jocelyn's symptoms. Once again I am validated when so many people told me not to worry, and thank God I listened to my gut rather than others. Getting her help now is the best thing for her. She is still so young and hopefully that will help her treatment be easier than if she started later.

Still, I am sad. I don't want anything to be wrong with Jocelyn. Especially something neurological. It makes me sad that she understands everything people say to her, and knows what she wants to say, but just can't get the words out appropriately. I don't want her to struggle with anything. I don't want this to change her happy, outgoing personality, which is what I fear will happen as she gets older and she starts to realize that something is wrong. I don't want other children to isolate her. I don't want others to look at her and think something is wrong with her. I'm staying positive, though. It's early. Maybe she will respond to treatment quickly and this will get corrected fast. She loves going places and doing things and I know she will enjoy the therapy and the company of the therapist. She's a really smart girl, so I'm not worried that she's not going to respond to treatment. I just want it to be easy for her. Isn't that what all parents want for their children?

Todd has reminded me that this is not the worst thing that could ever happen. There are children out there that are dealing with things that threaten their lives. This can be corrected. In the mean time, I guess there is just going to be an adjustment period for me. I have to come to terms with the fact that Jocelyn has Apraxia. She has a road ahead of her that we will help her navigate and we will get through this together!

38 Weeks

I can barely believe it, but I'm 38 weeks pregnant today. Our newest family member will be making an appearance within the next couple of weeks!

Time really flies and this pregnancy seems to have gone a lot faster than my pregnancy with Jocelyn. I am so excited to meet this little girl. I can't wait to see what she looks like, what her personality will be like, and I just can't wait to see how Jocelyn will be as a big sister! I really think she's going to be great! She already gives the baby "presents". She knows the nursery is the baby's room. She rubs my belly daily and asks me if it's time for the baby to come out yet. My new answer is, "She can come any time now." To which Jocelyn always asks if that means that people will be coming to "her house". She is excited for visitors, knowing they will come when the baby arrives.

I think we are ready. The last weeks are always so weird. Baby can come at any time and you just wonder when it will be! I'm planning on remaining pregnant through the 4th of July at the earliest, and have done a pretty good job at convincing myself that maybe she will even come a little late. My doctor told me she would do an elective induction at 39 weeks, but I'm not going to do that unless I have the surprising dilation I had with Jocelyn. We will see how my appointment goes on the 29th. If I'm still at 1cm or at anything less than 5, I am going to let things be. If I'm 5 or more, I will consider picking a date. I just don't want to have to rush to the hospital to have the baby when I have to worry about what to do with Jocelyn, etc. I'm fully expecting to be under the 5cm mark. Just because it happened with Jocelyn doesn't mean it's automatic this time...besides, I really would like to go into labor on my own!

Here's a picture of the bump...it's getting bigger. I like to call it the torpedo. It's all out to the front and looks rather silly!

Father's Day Weekend

On Saturday we went to Moraine State Park! I was so excited to go to the lake to swim and play in the sand! Daddy went in the water with me.Mommy thought the water was gross so she stayed on the blanket and watched!

Daddy and I played in the sand for a long time. He's the best!

So I gave him lots of kisses!

This year I was super excited to give daddy his father's day presents! I made his card as well as the wrapping paper! He got a 'This is What the World's Greatest Daddy Looks Like' T-shirt (every dad has to have one of those), and all three Pirates of the Caribbean Movies.
Mommy took some pictures of me and Daddy together!

After lunch we went to Cool Springs so Daddy could hit some baseballs and golf balls. He had fun and I cheered for him.

Then for dinner, we went to Benihana. I liked the soup and salad the best. I got to watch the guy cook all of our food, which was very entertaining. I never saw anything like it before!

The waitress took a picture of us. She told me to look up from my ice cream and I took her very literally.

I had a fun weekend with Daddy! I hope he had a great time as well!

Happy Father's Day Daddy!!!

A Playdate at "My House"

Jocelyn wants everyone to come to her house. A day doesn't go by that she doesn't ask if someone (MeMe, Papa, Grampee, Grandma, Aunt Di) is going to come to her house. I don't know why she's stuck on it, but she really wants people to come to her house.

Today we had some friends over for what was supposed to be pool and sprinkler time. When her friend Brady arrived, she stood on the porch screaming, "My house! My house!" when she saw him. How exciting! Friends coming to her house to play! Of course, the pool wasn't a big hit since the temperature didn't leave the 60s while they were here, but the kids still had a lot of fun playing together!

Jocelyn and Emma destroying the sand and water table!

All three kiddos enjoying their mac 'n cheese picnic in the cold!

Fun Times at the Library!

I hadn't taken any pictures at the library in quite some time, so this past Tuesday I brought the camera along to capture some images from one of Jocelyn's most favorite things to do!

During Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Parachute Fun!

And stamps at the end from Ms. Dolores! Jocelyn has to get one on each hand and also on her belly...
We love Brentwood Library!!